Cultivating Independence in Homeschoolers

When I was a single woman living on my own in Kitchener I lived in an apartment building.  It was a lower-income building and I got to know many of the families living there.  Many were young single moms with children from babies through teens. I got to know them and their children. Over time those children would get comfortable with me, as would their parents. I wouldn't hurt a fly and their parents understood that. Anyways, it gave me the opportunity to observe something... parents waiting on their children, getting them drinks, and snacks, and finding them things to do.  It intrigued me since I was not raised that way.  

I asked some of the moms why they did that and the answers varied from "It's just easier if I do it" to "I can't stand the mess" or "What... I shouldn't help my kids?"  I have to admit to being a bit flabbergasted.  It made for some interesting conversations.  :) 

Anyways, they'd come over to my apartment and expect the same thing, so I'd take the time to teach them how to safely use a knife, or get a drink out of the fridge. I wanted to spend time with them playing games and what not, not "fetching stuff" for them. I raised my lad the same way. Do stuff for yourself that you can do for yourself.   As he matured, I included his schooling and other life skills in that mix. 

Why does it matter about letting our kids do for themselves?  Why is it so important to be cultivating independence in our children?

It's important for a number of reasons.  

The top three reasons to cultivate independence

1. Job: Train up a child in the way he should go. Our children need to function as independent adults.  They can't stay in our homes forever being helpless children. 
2. Time: Our time can't be spent doing just caring for our children or even just for one child.
3. Ourselves: We need time for ourselves. 

Cultivating Independence in our Children

Working to develop independence in our children is admittedly easier in some children than others.  :)   Some children it seems are built with a firm independent streak and all they need is guidance.  Others need a more step by step approach building up their confidence. Ergo, how you help them achieve their goals will vary with the children involved.

Some basic steps to take.

1. Offer specific assistance.   "mom, how to you spell ______" Tell them how to spell it, and then if knowing how to spell continues to be an issue, teach them how to learn to sound out a word, some of the spelling rules, and how to use a dictionary.  
2. Teach specific skills.  This is how you figure out how much work you need to do each week to complete the course in the alloted time.  These are sites or places to get additional help when you don't understand a concept you are learning.  Here are different methods of doing a research paper.  
3. Go away.  This is really important in the beginning stages.  Your child is busy working and you need to slip away to make supper, attend another child etc.  Just encourage them to work until they have the page finished.  You start with five minutes and then gradually increase your time away.  If you use a schedule that can help, or if you are family that just does the next thing make sure they know what the next thing is.  
4. Take a step back.  I needed to do this with my lad.  I love math, so does he.  :)  BUT he takes a completely different approach to math than I do.  I needed to distance myself from him so that he could be successful. It's okay for our students to find success in their own way, I provided him with needed tools, and then simply backed away. I needed to accept him for who he was when it came to math. 
5. Involvement in what to study.  Talk with your students about various options, let them test out sample products, and involve them in the products they will use for studying. Not everything will work for all members of your household. Help them discover the pros and cons for each option and to figure out what would work best for them (and the family budget).  
6. Follow interests.  Other than math, my son has an affinity for history.  For grade 8 he wanted to study world war 1.  I found him a spine to use, a number of good books to read, and a list of research projects to put together.  Some of these projects were specific, others more open-ended but I gave him the freedom to learn as he would.  He needed to track his hours and regularly report in on what he was learning.  
7. Allow for creative expression. I was talking with a homeschool mom about this the other day and she asked "but what do you do if they want to do it wrong?  What if they want to make a frog purple and blue?  I asked "Well, if they know that normal colours of frogs and just feel like being creative, does it really matter?"  That's what you need to ask.  Does it really matter if they want to show knowledge of a concept but do so in a somewhat different manner?  Let them own their own creations. 
8. Help your children, your students learn how to make good choices. Learning how to make a decision and then to stick by it, or how to change your mind or live with the consequences, how to weigh out the pros and cons to a decision you make, and realizing that as you say yes to one thing you are saying no to something else. 

The end result of Cultivating Independence: 

Your goal is a person who knows they don't live in isolation, but don't have to rely on others for what they can do for themself.  This will be shown in 

1. Confidence. Once you know you can do one thing, it gives you the confidence to do another.  EVEN IF sometimes it's scary and hard. 
2. Practice in needed skills. The realization that once they know how to learn or how to develp a new skill, then they know how to practice those skills until they become part of who they are.
3. Ability to teach others. If you know how to do something you can spread that knowledge to others. 
4.  Self-awareness.  Knowledge of how they think and learn, what they can and can not do.  How to get the help they need.  

Independence in learning, in personal decisons, and in life skills can be learned by every student to a greater or lesser degree.  Our job is help them gain skills needed so they can do for themselves as much as possible which gives confidence in asking for help in the areas they do need help in.  Let them make mistakes at home where they have a built in support system to recover from bad decisions. 

Let's work ourselves out of a job! Though we will never ever truly do that, after all a mom or a dad will always be a mom or dad!  The end goal should always be to create functional adults as much as we can.  

Freebie!  Download the How to Build Independence packet.

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Annette blogs at A Net in Time where she writes poetry, blogs about homeschooling and matters of faith.  She also reviews books from kindergarten through middle school.  A reader and reviewer who loves to walk and care for critters, she raises bunnies and fancy mice.  Of all the things in her life, her faith in God and her love for her family overrule all other considerations.  You can find her on Pinterest, MeWe, Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.