Is your child a strong leader? Do you suspect that he or she
might grow up to be an effective and proactive leader? Or maybe you aren't sure
what to look for. Still others might wonder why bother - does it matter if you
discover leadership abilities early?
Some sources say it does matter.
Observing leadership qualities early means parents, teachers and caregivers can
work to develop those talents so they do not fall by the wayside. If you want to make sure you develop your child's leadership
qualities, here are some signs to watch for. Some of them may surprise you!
Signs of Potential Leadership
·
Talkative
o
Does it sometimes drive you crazy that your
child talks so much? Actually, being talkative may be a sign of things to come.
A chatty nature indicates a child with excellent verbal skills, which are
important for good leaders. Did your child talk early and proficiently? This
may be a sign that he or she will be a good leader.
·
Treats Others with Respect
o
If you notice that your child seems to end up in
responsible positions - team captain, for instance, or band director - and you
know he didn't get that position because of "muscling" his way to the
top or bullying others, then this may be a sign of leadership ability. Notice
if your child seems to have others "gravitate" toward her and wish to
emulate her. Take note as to whether or not this is due to respectful
treatment. If it is, you may have a strong leader on your hands.
·
Sees Both Sides
o
Some kids exhibit an ability to understand both
sides of an issue. They tend to be peace keepers, helping two arguing kids to
see reason, for instance.
·
In the Know
o
Does your child always know what's going on? Is
he or she always aware of the latest happening at school or in the family? This
is not the same as being a gossip (that's not a good leadership quality), but
it does mean that he or she is paying attention and interested in what's going
on with others.
·
Inquisitive
o
A good leader is not afraid to ask questions,
but he/she is not afraid to go looking for answers on his own, either. Too much
questioning may indicate self-doubt - your child is always trying to make sure
about things - but healthy questions that spring from a true desire to know
more about something may be a sign of leadership ability.
Tips for Teaching
Young Adults to be Leaders
Leadership skills are important for all kinds of successes in life, from employment to relationships. The general consensus is that such skills are lacking among adults and young people. Whether you have youth and young adults in your home or otherwise under your supervision, you can invest in their futures by teaching them how to be leaders.
·
Give Them Responsibility
o
As a youth group leader, parent, teacher, or
other authority figure, this can seem like a scary prospect. Are they ready for
responsibility? Can they handle it? Give them something to be responsible for
that will build their self-confidence, but don't make it something that's
life-and-death. Take your teens' personal skills, strengths, and weaknesses
into consideration, too. Here are some examples of responsibilities for teens.
§
Running an errand for you, such as picking up
something from the store. If they can't drive, you can drop them off to run the
errand.
§
Opening up a bank account.
§
Let them lead a class or group.
§
Household chores like laundry could be delegated
to the young adults and teens in your home.
§
Have them organize the set-up and clean-up of an
event.
·
Get a Job
o
One of those ironies of good leadership is that
being under leadership is often a great way to learn it. Youth and young adults
would do well to work at least part time, thus learning responsibility and also
learning what is involved in good leadership. Having a job is an important
responsibility that can prepare young people to lead.
§
Consider jobs like camp counselor or babysitter,
too. Those are both jobs that put young people in charge of others.
·
Workshops
o
Are there leadership workshops available in your
area? If not, see if you can hire a leadership consultant to come in and speak
to your group. Maybe you can find someone to speak to your teen's class, or
hold a seminar on your young adult's college campus. If there is a workshop
available, take your youth group to the workshop, or sign your kids up.
·
Groups and Organizations
o
Organizations like Boy and Girl Scouts are also
good ways for young adults and youth to learn leadership skills. Don't let the
names "boy" and "girl" deter you - there are all kinds of
opportunities in these organizations for youth and young adults. Other clubs
and groups encourage leadership among members, too. Find out about what is
offered in your community - even your local YMCA/YWCA might have some ideas or
programs.
Tips for Teaching
Young Children to be Leaders
·
Independent Thinking
o
Help your child break out of the "cookie
cutter" mentality by teaching him/her to think independently. Ask your
kids' opinions on things, and refrain from judging or expressing your opinion.
Just listen so that no opinion is "wrong." You might share your own
opinion respectfully, and if it differs, all the better - part of independent
thinking is hearing several sides of an issue and coming to your own
conclusions.
·
Responsibility
o
Age-appropriate responsibilities are important
skills for building leadership. Give your child responsibilities as early as
you can, and have him deal with the consequences if those responsibilities are
not carried out. Of course, your child needs guidance; but once your explain
what the consequences will be, sources say it's best to let them play out.
·
Fairness
o
Leaders need to be fair. Being too rigid and
unbending is not a great way to teach your kids about fairness, but being too
permissive isn't, either. Help them to understand what is fair and what isn't,
and how sometimes being fair means being firm even when others are upset.
·
Negotiation
o
Have you thought about the importance of
negotiation skills in leadership? Think about it: government leaders,
particularly the president, need to be well-versed in the art of negotiation.
So it's okay to discuss your child's wants and desires - ask him to present a
convincing argument as to why he thinks he should have whatever it is, or
participate in an activity. And sources agree that it's okay for a parent to
allow him/herself to be "talked into" something now and then!
·
Organization
o
Being organized is key to good leadership. Teach
your children how to prioritize tasks and organize their time. Show them how to
use calendars to keep things straight, and explain how time is organized by
prioritizing tasks.
o
In the category of organization is also the
concept of making lists. Have your kids make lists of what tasks they plan to
complete each day and/or week. This also helps break tasks down into steps -
maybe your child has a research paper due three weeks from now. Helping your
child break that down into weekly and daily steps can be very helpful - not
only in accomplishing the completing of the paper, but also in instilling the
leadership skill of organization.
·
Communication
o
This is essential for leadership. Leaders must
express their goals and their vision for whatever project or task they are
leading. They can't expect others to read their minds! Teach your kids good
communication and listening skills by encouraging them to share their thoughts
even if you disagree, and by actively listening yourself.
Create a Home
Environment That Instills Leadership in Kids
There are all sorts of things you can do to build a home
environment that fosters leadership. Don't be afraid to be creative, and
remember to include your kids and give them age-appropriate responsibilities.
·
Have a Routine
o
You may think that having a routine is creating
followers by telling them what to do and when to do it. But actually, having a
routine is purported to encourage leadership, because it provides security and
a model of order and predictability. A good leader is not fickle - he or she is
self-controlled and fairly predictable, so that those who are followers are
certain of where they're going.
o
Routines also teach organization, another
important leadership skill. Organizing time is crucial if your kids are going
to grow up to inspire others to follow. Include your kids in the development of
your schedule and calendar, and show them how time is organized and tasks and
activities are prioritized.
Clear Boundaries
o
As leaders, your kids will need to be able to
define and enforce boundaries. Having clear boundaries in your home helps make
expectations clear and lets your kids know how far they can go before they
cross over. They will learn how to be fair and firm when boundaries are
crossed, especially if you take care to consider the situation before enacting
consequences. Not all boundary violations are the same, in other words.
o
To be good leaders, kids need to learn when to
be firm (such as when a boundary is blatantly ignored) and when to be lenient
(such as when a boundary is crossed accidentally). Including your kids when you
develop boundaries and consequences is another way to create a leader-building
environment.
·
Appreciate
o
When your kids do a job well, let them know.
Give them positive feedback so they will learn how to give it themselves when
they grow up to be leaders. A good leader knows when to pat followers on the
back and appreciate their efforts.
·
Chores
o
Yes, having chore lists is something that
parents may dread, or they may have heard about it and just don't think it will
"fly" in their family. But chores are one of the first ways that kids
learn to be a part of the family "team," and being part of a team is
an important way to learn leadership.
o
Chores can be delegated depending on age and
ability, and you can certainly include your kids in making the chore list. To
keep motivation, have rewards for chores that are done well and on time. In
fact, chores can be a way to earn privileges - your chore list can have two
columns, one for chores and one for the privileges each chore earns.
·
Teach Them to Think
o
Some sources point out that the school system,
public and private, teaches kids what to think rather than how to think. Of
course, there are probably exceptions to this - special schools and special
teachers - but it's entirely possible that your kids are not being taught how
to think. So whether you homeschool or have your kids in public school, you
might try some of these exercises to help your kids think on their own.
o
Give them an age-appropriate reading assignment
that expresses a particular point of view. An opinion piece in the newspaper is
a good place to start. Ask what your child thinks about it, and have him or her
write an age-appropriate response to the piece. Do the same thing with an
article that expresses the opposite or a different view.
§
Encourage them to read work that covers a range
of opinions and views.
§
Ask them if they agree or disagree, and why.
§
Any time your child reads something, ask him (or
her) what he thinks about it. Find out what he gleaned from the reading rather
than finding out if he picked up what she was "supposed to" from the
reading.
o
Leaders tend to be independent thinkers, so
these exercises may go a long way toward teaching your child to be a good
leader.
·
Teach Organization
o
This may be something of a challenge for parents
who aren't that organized to begin with! And for those parents who are very
organized, you might find that you just organize everything for your kids
without teaching them to do it themselves. So finding a balance is a good idea.
o
Try giving them a calendar and show them how to
keep track of their own activities. Chore lists are also a good way to help
them organize their time. Age-appropriate chores and activities, written on a
calendar, can help kids "see" their time and how it's being spent,
even if they are too young to tell time yet.
·
Ask for Arguments
o
Okay, that may sound like something parents
don't want to do. But the art of arguing respectfully is an important
leadership quality. We're not talking about angry arguments; it's more about
negotiation and persuasion. Ask your child to tell you why he (she) wants a
certain thing, or why he should be allowed to attend an event or participate in
an activity. This helps your children learn how to analyze and present an
argument (which is really a list of reasons) to achieve a goal.
Leading Children
& Teens
Whether you are working with children who are yours, or
you're a caretaker for others' children, learning how to lead them effectively
is important. But how do you become a good leader for kids? It can be hard to
know if you're not accustomed to it, or if you didn't have strong leaders when
you were a child.
·
Set an Example
o
You've probably heard "lead by
example," but that means more than just doing something and hoping your
kids will notice and copy your behavior. It also means being deliberate in
setting an example, and you'll need to refrain from certain behaviors and watch
what you say.
o
For instance, if you want your children to be
patient with others - a key leadership attribute - then take care that you're
patient with them. If you want your children to be able to make decisions like
a leader, then make sure you're not making all of their decisions for them. To
lead by example, you need to think about more than just living out healthy,
positive lifestyle choices (although that's important, too). It's also a matter
of setting an example of how to treat others.
·
Include Them
o
Whether you are a teacher or a parent, including
the children in your care is important to instill leadership. How do you
include them? For one thing, let them help. In the classroom, this might take
the form of collecting papers and passing out other papers. Students might be
allowed to write an assignment on the board. At home, let your kids be a part
of your daily routine, helping you wash the car and clean the house. After all,
these are life skills, and those are vital for good leadership.
·
Delegate
o
Good leaders know how to delegate
responsibilities and tasks. In your home or classroom, give kids various
responsibilities. You can set things up so that the children in your care have
a task to complete, and they have to delegate tasks to others to get it done.
Or simply explain the task, and give a job to each child to get it done. They
will see the value of delegating (you might want to point out that you can't do
this task alone), but they will also have the satisfaction of helping get
something done.
·
Allow Them to Help Others
o
Wherever you can, let your kids help each other
without being bossy. In fact, being bossy is not necessarily a good leadership
skill. Teach them how to help others in an appropriate way, and then set up a
scenario where that help can happen. This works in the classroom or at home
with friends and/or siblings.
·
The Right Attitude
o
With teens, it's important to respect their
place in the leadership process. (This is important with all ages, but teens
are more aware of their own independence.) So remember that you can't be a
leader without followers! The teens have to be there for the leadership to
happen.
·
Respect
o
As noted above, respecting those you lead is
important. Teens may not respond well to just being given orders; it's more than
that. One way you can show your respect to the youths in your charge is to
listen to them. Really hear them, and respond respectfully to what they say.
This not only shows your respect for them; it also sets a respectful tone in
your group, and in so doing you're leading by example.
·
Insist on Respectful Behavior
o
Because you're modeling it, this shouldn't be
too hard to enforce. Ask that your teens treat each other with respect, and you
can cite yourself as an example.
·
Be "Real"
o
Teens have a pretty good sense of when something
or someone is faking it. The teens in your charge are not looking for
perfection; they would much rather connect with someone whose flaws they can
identify with than someone distant and aloof. That said, it's important to guard
against hypocrisy - for example, it's okay to be real and share that you used
to be a smoker while advocating that your teens not smoke; but if you are still
smoking, your words will ring hollow.
·
The Importance of a Good Relationship
o
Leading teens means assuming the role of a
mentor. Mentoring means setting up an environment where learning takes place,
and being available for teaching and answering questions. In an effective
leadership relationship with teens, it's important to know when to step off and
let the teen try on his or her own and when to step in. If you have a good
relationship with your teens, then you will likely know them well enough to
discern when to get involved and when to back off.
