(Fall 2025) I’m writing this on my laptop in the car, listening to my husband try to keep his cool with road construction and afternoon traffic, as we cruise back up I-95 for the thirty-third time in the past four months. I honestly don’t know of anyone who is having a “good life” at the moment. It seems like everyone is going through a divorce, death, chronic illness, job loss, home loss, or some combination of the above.
It's difficult to believe that it’s only been four months
and five days since dad passed. In that
span of time, our lives have been completely upended. Fortunately, the kids are grown, with the
youngest finishing school and the others off to college. While that’s financially…well, you know…it’s
a balm to our souls that the kids are happy, healthy, and walking their own
paths with strong conviction.
Now we get to parent our mothers. Mine, for the record, is not doing well. Her Parkinson’s disease took a sharp downward
spiral after dad passed, and we’re still trying to navigate all the estate
paperwork. In the midst of all that, the
remote job hubby had held for several years that was 10 hours from home issued
a return-to-work order…hence working and writing from the car while keeping the
Bucees’ on I-95 in business. Thankfully,
teaching at Sparks Academy, I can
work from anywhere!
Why am I oversharing?
Because I like talking to strangers – at the airport, at the grocery
store, on campus, walking aimlessly around town – and what I have found lately
is that a LOT of people are struggling.
Most of us are trying to conceal our dumpster-fire-lives with a faint
smile and an “I’m just tired today.”
It’s not fatigue. It’s grief. And as the holidays approach, it can be really
hard to get in the holiday spirit and focus on gratitude, but fostering
gratitude in the midst of grief helps us to shift focus, building emotional
resilience and keeping a joyful heart.
We know that gratitude is good for our emotional and
physical health. It helps us to be more
confident, happier, and sleep better. We
also know that grief can do the opposite, but consider that grief is an
enduring expression of the love we carry for others. In this way, the grief lasts forever, and so
the challenge becomes to focus on the love, laughter, joy, and gratitude we
have for having had that person or experience in our life. In this way, the gratitude becomes the
flipside of grief, and the two live together on the same coin.
I love bittersweet chocolate, and this holiday season will
be bittersweet. After all, how can we go
around the table to give thanks for what we have when
we’re grieving what we don’t? It’s possible to feel two
things that are seemingly in direct opposition at the same time. Instead of the traditional ‘around the table’
conversation, and instead of pretending that everything is fine, why not be
real with the family this year? I don’t
mean devolve into a political discussion (for heaven’s sake, please leave
politics at the door – we don’t need any more drama!), but talk about real
issues.
Talk about what you’re missing, how you’re feeling, and find
those common threads within your family.
Dig into the family history and share the stories and joys of days gone
past. Listen to your elders, who have
lived through their share of difficult times.
Focus on the positive things occurring in your life, no matter how
small. Then have a piece of pie, go play
some tag football, make a joke about what someone you’re missing would be doing
right now, and enjoy the together time.
Speaking of together time, two of our favorite family
traditions this time of year are reading Books to Celebrate Thanksgiving
(and if you’re in need of inspiration, click that link and it will take you to
a big list of our favorites, for all ages) and getting together for the annual
“Reading of the Friday Box!” The Friday Box is a
family tradition of practicing gratitude on a small scale and then celebrating
those joys again at the end of the year.
Pro tip: It’s a great way to build a memory capsule, too! We also love to use the Homeschooler’s Advent Calendar
(which you can download for free) to celebrate the season.
My dad loved his family and he loved to celebrate. He was a drummer, a surfer, a military man,
an entrepreneur, an innovator, a fantastic cook, and the life of any
party. He taught us that every dark
cloud has multiple silver linings – you just have to dry your eyes long enough
to see them. With the advent of this
holiday season, both grief and gratitude will be knocking on our door. Both are welcome here.
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